I feel like I have finally been making some good progress on my project, and wish that I would have been doing the things I'm doing now two months ago. However, at the same time that I am making progress, I feel like I am not making progress because things keep getting harder and I keep questioning my project and if it will ever make it past the IRB, if I will ever get funding to buy equipment, and if I even like my topic anymore.
After my journal entry last week I am trying to think more in depth about what the story is that want to tell. I can't say I've really defined it quite yet, but I've been thinking about it a lot. I will be talking to my mentors (there are two of them now) about it on Wednesday and hopefully they can help me figure some things out.
Some exciting news however is that I have heard back from both of the charitable organizations I have contacted, and to my surprise, they seem very willing to work with me. I of course will need to talk to them in more detail about the project, but mostly I'm just glad that they didn't reject me right off the bat. However, I did find out something that may set me back, and that is that if I want to film the slums where the Tong-Len organization is helping Indians, apparently (or maybe) I am supposed to send in a script or a proposal to the Indian government and get there approval before I am allowed to film in the slums. I'm not really sure where to start on this, as in who to contact, but hopefully that is something I can find out. I also don't know how easy the government is to work with, and I don't know if having to go through the government is something the IRB will like or dislike (They may like it because if the government approves then they will feel safer about me doing it, but they may dislike it because it just means that I am trying to enter a vulnerable place.) I would like to make the effort though, and we'll see how it goes.
At times I really just want to give up. But then when I find interesting information or hear back from people I am working with, it gets me excited again. I just hope I'm able to pull everything through, and even though Ashley said that sometimes the biggest flops turn into the most success, I kind of really hope that my project isn't a flop.
I think a lot of the difficulty is resolved once the necessary approvals have been cleared ... at the same time I don't think the uncertainty necessarily will go away. For many of us, we're constantly having to ask "What am I doing? What am I trying to accomplish?" throughout the in-field experience, and even through the post-field analysis and production.
ReplyDeleteSo, there is something of a light at the end of the tunnel, I think. At the same time, get comfortable with ambiguity, comfortable questioning and reevaluating yourself and your goals.